It gets better!!!!!!

Hey there readers. I am here to talk about something that is very serious to me. I am 26 and I knew when I was 10 that I liked boys. I knew from a young age that I was gay yea so fucking what. I have grown up and yes I was picked on. I was teased. I grew up and learned to block people's comments out. I have learned that they can say what they want but they are just words. Now as the years have gone by there have been more and more teen suicides. Younger and younger kids are killing themselves all because ignorant ass fucking people out there wanna tease them.

Fuck Oz and the Ruby Slippers

Down the long yellow brick road, the shit aint fancy. The shit don't glitter like it do in the movie with the bitch with the Ruby Shoes...What was it called?....Oh yea...The Wizard Of Oz....In real life you travel down this long ass road to find out who you are and what you want from life. It is a long dry ass road full of happiness and pain. The movie tricks people. There is no fucking Wizard at the end of the road in some castle waiting to grant you a wish. The road is actually never fucking ending.

I cry cause it hurts

I am sitting here listening to some music and tears are falling. My mind fucks with me a lot. It makes me think of things that I wish I could forget but I cant. I look back at so many things. There were times in my life where I was happy and fulfilled. Lately a lot I been feeling so lost. I feel like I dont know where I'm at. I feel trapped in this world where love doesn't exist. A world where people smile in your face and talk behind your back. This world is full of corrupt people and I cry. I cry cause I wanna go back to the times when there was love and I was smiling from ear to ear cause the love was real. My heart is broken and its not fair. I am a good guy and I deserve to be happy once again. I deserve to have love. To talk to someone on the phone for hours and have them text you that they miss you right after they hang up or haven't seen you in a while. I deserve to be kissed softly and held as I sleep. I deserve it all. My heart is dead and its sad. I never wanted to feel this way again but here I am. Crying cause.....

I wish....

Just because....

Hey there readers. How ya been? Its been a while since I posted on here but I am back. I have been busy just working and making money. You know that money makes the world go round. I been slacking on my writing and that is not me. Writing is my life and I needed to get back to it. Writing has helped me through some tough times in my life. Times where I felt I would never come back from the pain I felt inside. Writing has helped me deal with some really hard stuff. The lost of my father was the worst and music and writing helped me. I was at a point in my life where I felt empty and hollow inside. I learned that life is rough and that at the end of all the hard times there are easy ones. You just have to make sure that you make it through the hard stuff first. So if you ever feel down and out just know that you are strong and can overcome...I love ya.

What do you do?

Hey there my readers. It has been a long time since I posted anything on here. I have neglected my writing and keep you all updated with my life and whats happening. Well I have been through some stuff since my last post.

I have been single since 2008. The guy i was with used me. I spent all my money on him and then he was cheating. He thought I wouldnt find out but I did. That was so hurtful that after that happened I was single for two years. I couldnt love. I didnt love. I didnt believe in it anymore.

So now we in 2011. Last year in August I met someone. I knew him for a while. I cared about him since the first time we spoke. We finally met and it was a nice day. We hugged and he kissed me. I felt alive again when his lips touched mines. We went to eat breakfast at Ihop. It was so amazing. He smiled at me and he made me smile back. I wont ever forget it. We started to date and I was the happiest I have ever been in a long time. I swear he made me believe in love again. He went back home (he dont live in NYC) and it hurt so bad. I love him and he left. Now we were still together. The long distance didnt bother me cause I loved him. Everyone asked me how I could do it. I told them cause when you love someone it dont matter the distance.

So he came back this month to visit me. Seeing him made me feel so good inside. This boy captured my heart real quick. 5 months into the relationship and my love for him kept growing. We been chillen everyday since he been back. Now some stuff went down. I dont wanna really get into it. Lets just say I did something that I shouldnt have done but my insecurities got the best of me. He found out what I did and now we are no longer together. It has been a week now since the breakup and I feel so dead sometimes. I feel like this is it. I wont love again.

We chill and we talk and it feels good but it also hurts at the same time. When I see him and those lips that made me love again I feel so weak. I feel like im dying inside. I miss him so much and theres nothing I can do. I still think bout him. I STILL LOVE HIM. I wish everything was different. I have to move on but it is so hard when you love someone. Its hard when the person brought you back from the death of love. Its so hard. I am so sad. I am so over everything. I wanna forget this pain but I cant.

He isnt perfect and I am not perfect. I wish he could give me another chance but he made it clear it aint going down. So all I can do is keep the happy memories. We had a lot of those and I will never forget them. I will never forget him and how he made me laugh, made me smile, made me mad then made me laugh again. He is my LOVE. Oh well theres nothing I can do.....