It gets better!!!!!!

Hey there readers. I am here to talk about something that is very serious to me. I am 26 and I knew when I was 10 that I liked boys. I knew from a young age that I was gay yea so fucking what. I have grown up and yes I was picked on. I was teased. I grew up and learned to block people's comments out. I have learned that they can say what they want but they are just words. Now as the years have gone by there have been more and more teen suicides. Younger and younger kids are killing themselves all because ignorant ass fucking people out there wanna tease them.

Fuck Oz and the Ruby Slippers

Down the long yellow brick road, the shit aint fancy. The shit don't glitter like it do in the movie with the bitch with the Ruby Shoes...What was it called?....Oh yea...The Wizard Of Oz....In real life you travel down this long ass road to find out who you are and what you want from life. It is a long dry ass road full of happiness and pain. The movie tricks people. There is no fucking Wizard at the end of the road in some castle waiting to grant you a wish. The road is actually never fucking ending.

I cry cause it hurts

I am sitting here listening to some music and tears are falling. My mind fucks with me a lot. It makes me think of things that I wish I could forget but I cant. I look back at so many things. There were times in my life where I was happy and fulfilled. Lately a lot I been feeling so lost. I feel like I dont know where I'm at. I feel trapped in this world where love doesn't exist. A world where people smile in your face and talk behind your back. This world is full of corrupt people and I cry. I cry cause I wanna go back to the times when there was love and I was smiling from ear to ear cause the love was real. My heart is broken and its not fair. I am a good guy and I deserve to be happy once again. I deserve to have love. To talk to someone on the phone for hours and have them text you that they miss you right after they hang up or haven't seen you in a while. I deserve to be kissed softly and held as I sleep. I deserve it all. My heart is dead and its sad. I never wanted to feel this way again but here I am. Crying cause.....

I wish....

Just because....

Hey there readers. How ya been? Its been a while since I posted on here but I am back. I have been busy just working and making money. You know that money makes the world go round. I been slacking on my writing and that is not me. Writing is my life and I needed to get back to it. Writing has helped me through some tough times in my life. Times where I felt I would never come back from the pain I felt inside. Writing has helped me deal with some really hard stuff. The lost of my father was the worst and music and writing helped me. I was at a point in my life where I felt empty and hollow inside. I learned that life is rough and that at the end of all the hard times there are easy ones. You just have to make sure that you make it through the hard stuff first. So if you ever feel down and out just know that you are strong and can overcome...I love ya.

What do you do?

Hey there my readers. It has been a long time since I posted anything on here. I have neglected my writing and keep you all updated with my life and whats happening. Well I have been through some stuff since my last post.

I have been single since 2008. The guy i was with used me. I spent all my money on him and then he was cheating. He thought I wouldnt find out but I did. That was so hurtful that after that happened I was single for two years. I couldnt love. I didnt love. I didnt believe in it anymore.

So now we in 2011. Last year in August I met someone. I knew him for a while. I cared about him since the first time we spoke. We finally met and it was a nice day. We hugged and he kissed me. I felt alive again when his lips touched mines. We went to eat breakfast at Ihop. It was so amazing. He smiled at me and he made me smile back. I wont ever forget it. We started to date and I was the happiest I have ever been in a long time. I swear he made me believe in love again. He went back home (he dont live in NYC) and it hurt so bad. I love him and he left. Now we were still together. The long distance didnt bother me cause I loved him. Everyone asked me how I could do it. I told them cause when you love someone it dont matter the distance.

So he came back this month to visit me. Seeing him made me feel so good inside. This boy captured my heart real quick. 5 months into the relationship and my love for him kept growing. We been chillen everyday since he been back. Now some stuff went down. I dont wanna really get into it. Lets just say I did something that I shouldnt have done but my insecurities got the best of me. He found out what I did and now we are no longer together. It has been a week now since the breakup and I feel so dead sometimes. I feel like this is it. I wont love again.

We chill and we talk and it feels good but it also hurts at the same time. When I see him and those lips that made me love again I feel so weak. I feel like im dying inside. I miss him so much and theres nothing I can do. I still think bout him. I STILL LOVE HIM. I wish everything was different. I have to move on but it is so hard when you love someone. Its hard when the person brought you back from the death of love. Its so hard. I am so sad. I am so over everything. I wanna forget this pain but I cant.

He isnt perfect and I am not perfect. I wish he could give me another chance but he made it clear it aint going down. So all I can do is keep the happy memories. We had a lot of those and I will never forget them. I will never forget him and how he made me laugh, made me smile, made me mad then made me laugh again. He is my LOVE. Oh well theres nothing I can do.....

Religion is...what?

Long time no type. LOL. Well I am back with a new exciting blog post. I will warn you all now before you continue to read this. This post is all about religion and what I believe. So if you are very sensitive to this subject exit out of this NOW....

Okay so yesterday at work I had a fellow coworker say some stuff to me that irked my nerve really bad. Okay so she asked me why I was gay. I didnt understand this question at all. She told me that I am a guy so I am suppose to like girls. I looked at her and laughed and explained to her that this is the way I am. I was very offended but I didnt let her know that. Then she asked me if I go to church. I responded with a no. So then she tells me that I need to go to church to repent for all my sins. First off this bitch dont know my fucking life and what i do. But in her eyes obviously I am gay so I am a sinner. Okay I dont give a fuck. I have dealt with dumb closed minded bitches like her before. She asked me if i believe in God.

I believe in God 100 percent but like I told her I dont feel i should have to step in a church to let God know that I love and believe in him. Everyone has their own way of worshiping God. I have been to church once and that was that. I explained to her that I dont go to church because I dont want to be somewhere where people judge me and think I am a abomination for being who I am. That is crazy to me. These people preach bout not judging and shit but they be the first one to judge your ass. They be the first ones to talk shit bout you after the church service is over.

I am not saying all people are like this but church has become a joke because of people who are fucking idiots. We have priest touching little boys. What kind of shit is that? Church has become something that is there to just be there for people who feel like they need to repent for doing evil things. But if you are so into God and you know what is wrong why would you do it. Then think its okay to do it cause you will be at church the next day asking for forgiveness? Are you serious?

Also religion to me has become a cash cow. What happened to the days when people had a rosary and a figurine of Jesus Christ in their houses? Now its all bout pins, car air fresheners, bobble heads, movies, shirts, money with Jesus on it ETC. I mean come on what is all this about? I am so lost and confused as to what religion is anymore. This is all getting out of hand already.

I am not knocking anyone for doing what they do. If you got o church then that is you but for me I cant do it. Maybe if things change in the world of religion but for now I am not down for it. I will always love God and thank him for what he has done for me and my family and everyone I love but I dont think he approves of the way religion is going these days. I am sorry God for the way people are. I hope you can forgive us and know that we still love you.

Fake fucking artist

Hey there readers. New blog is finally fucking here. In this blog I want to talk about something that pisses me off so fucking bad yo. I dont understand this shit at all.

Okay the music biz has been around for a long ass time. Now we have so many different genres and different artist. So as the years go by and more and more artist come out how much different shit can they really do? After awhile the music starts to sound the same and the outfit start to resemble other peoples.

We all come to accept this and dont care but when you have artist that come out and do something that another bitch did years ago and pay no respect to them it is fucking sad. There were people who came before you and paved the way for your fucking broke wack ass.

Nicki Minaj sits there on her chair or whatever the fuck it is the bitch sits on and says that she created this Barbie rap image. The Pink wigs and rapping bout fucking Barbie cars and shit. Lets get this right people. u can love her all you want I dont care but dont agree with the bitch and pay all this respect to her. No Lil Kim started this shit. Come on Kim been wearing different color wigs and rapping bout shit before Nicki was even pretty. She pays no respect to Kim and for that she gets a spit on from me. FUCK U BITCH.

People talk shit bout Lady Gaga as well. Okay Gaga is not really original with her outfits okay you can say that. Only thing with Gaga is that she paid her respects to those before her who paved her image. She loves Madonna and has said many times that her and Andy Warhol inspire her image and performances. So ya can say she aint original but at least she paying tribute to the people who inspire her.

Now I am a music lover and I hate fucking stuck up fucking wack ass artist who dont pay their dues when dues are fucking due. If you do what you do then fucking do it but dont act like you did it first when you know you didnt.

Are you gay if you get head from a gay guy?

Okay so I am back with post number 2. Well number 3 but the last one dont really count. LOL. So a friend of mines from facebook gave me a new topic. A really good one too.

So as you all know I am a homo. LMAO. Now when I was in high school I was picked on at first. Yea it was rough but then things went south. I had witnessed that guys became closer to me. Some a little too close for comfort.

So in High School I had these two guys that use to tell me to give them head. Okay now I was a virgin back in those days so it was weird but was also interesting.They use to touch my ass and tell me they would fuck me. I was young and thought okay this is gay. But they were STRAIGHT. Yea I said it...STRAIGHT.

One day a couple of us were cutting class. We all went into the fitness room in our gym. No one ever went up there so it was a perfect place to be. It was dark and secure. So we were all there having a fun time. Laughing and shit. Now the two guys were there as well. So this is what happened....try to keep up...

Guy number 1 had a girlfriend at the time. She was my friend. Plus she was there with us. Now there were mats in the gym. So we would hide under the mats and shit. So she was under the mat with the other guy that wanted me to blow him. Okay they were not doing anything just to let you know. Now her man and I was on the other mats but we werent hiding we were just laying there. Now next thing I know he climbs on top of me and starts sucking on my neck. I couldnt help but go with it. He was so sexy to me. It felt so good. My leg was around him and his soft lips were sucking away at my neck. AMAZING. Noe they switch.

Now guy number 2 comes out from under the mats and guy number 1 goes under with his girl. Now guys number 2 is sucking on my neck and rubbing on me. My dick is hard at this point. It was all so great. Now we done wateva and I walk away and go to a corner just to get away from people. Next thing i know guy number 2 comes where I am at with his dick out and tells me to suck it. Okay I was nervous cause i have never done anything like this before. But i got on my knees and I gave him head. I stopped and then guy number 1 comes. I didnt get to suck him off I walked away. I feel that if he would have came while i was till sucking guy 2 off I would have sucked them both.

I also had guys who whould whip their dicks out and show me. High School was weird but it taught me stuff. Like now I think that getting head from a gay guy if ur straight doesnt make you gay. It makes u horny. I feel that a blowjob is a blowjob and if your horny and th eonly person there is another guy then hey get ur nut off. Just dont let ur homeboys find out cause they might think different.

WHAT DO YA THINK?

PS I had a man at the time. Also guy number 2 jerked me off under the mats....

Gay Pride Month

Hey there readers. This is my first post. I want to let ya know off hand that this blog will not be for kids and for closed minded mother fuckers. See there I go already. Cursing. LOL. I am very opinionated and I will speak my mother fucking mind. There i go again. I started this blog cause of a friend. Kita she told me I should have a blog. So here u go girl. Hope I dont let you down lmao.

This month is gay pride and being a proud gay open man I wanted to share my story with you.

So my name I Anthony. I go by Tony with some people. I am 24 and I knew I was "different" when I was in like the 4th grade. Yea I was young. I hid myself for so many years from my friends and family. It was hard to not be able to be who I was. I am a gay male and I knew this. But I grew up watching gay people on TV shows being put down and hearing stories that being gay was a "sin" I was scared as hell as any young gay male would be.

I entered high school and I met some great people. Kita I met there. I love her. Going off topic lmao. I one day decided that i was tired. I was losing myself by hiding who I was. So I told Kita one day that I wanted to tell my mom. Now at this time I told my niece who is my best friend. So Kita told me to go for it. I said yea let me do it. I wrote my mom a letter and gave it to her. Long story short she accepted it and said she knew. So as the years went by I told more and more of my family members and they are all okay with it.

I am Anthony and I am a gay male. I love being a gay male. I wont apologize at all for who I am. I went through so much to accept myself and love myself. Yeah there was times where I wish i wasnt this way. That was only cause I let stupid ass mother fuckers get to me. Those mother fuckers put me down so bad. I dont hold grudges though and I thank them cause all they did was make me stronger and love who I MOTHER FUCKING AM.

The world will continue to put me down as I get older. This is life and I have learned that I will not let it tear me down. GOD loves me for who I am and I LOVE ME for who I am. So thank you for everyone that has loved me and helped me through my journey of life. I love ya. Dont let anyone put you down because u are YOU!!!!!!!

MIDDLE FINGER HIGH IN THE AIR...